mealtimes

i have just finished eating my meal which was delicious. the people are very mean about food. they eat food all the time; in the morning, in the afternoon and in the evening but they do not let me have any of their food. even though it smells VERY tasty.

i have my food at 8 in the evening and it is very delicious food that lives in the cupboard under the stairs. i always worry that the people will forget to feed me so from about 7 i make sure that they remember me.

first i play the biting game. i like the biting game. i don't really bite hard, i just put the man's hand in my mouth and the man says 'oh stop that kia' but i can tell from the sound of his voice that he really likes it. then the woman says 'don't let her do that' and so the man says 'no biting kia' and i have to move on to the next thing.

the next thing is to pull the blanket out of my bed. i don't really need a blanket because i am a dog covered in hair but i don't complain. i pull the blanket out of my bed and  shake it around the dining room and the woman says 'hey' and the man says 'no' and puts the blanket back and i have to move on to the next thing.

the next thing is to push my bowl around the kitchen floor. it is a big bowl and a big kitchen so it makes a really good noise. then the woman picks up the bowl and puts it on the side and then there is only one thing left i can do.

i lie down looking hungry looking at the woman. there is no point looking at the man because he is always on his computer and would not see me.

and then, finally, one of them will feed me. the food is quite nice and crunchy but i eat it quickly in case they take it away again. 

it worries me what would happen if they forgot to feed me because i only get one meal a day but so far, thanks to my hard work and concentration, they haven't missed a day.

which is a relief.

the lawley

every day i take the man out to inspect our territory. our territory is a bit odd because it is made up of bits of land in different places and we have to drive to them. i let the man drive because he seems to like it and it gives me that chance to keep an eye on what is going on out of the window.

yesterday we went to my favourite hill which in human language is called the lawley. i put the man on a lead because he can get a bit funny on the hills. he is especially wary of sheep and tries to keep away from them. he pulls me away as well which I do not like because sheep are VERY interesting. 

it was very windy on the hill and it blew all my fur in the wrong direction and made me feel all funny.

there were some birds on the lawley that the man said were called ravens but i think should be called - black birds which sometimes look like you could eat them and sometimes look like they could eat you - i was not sure that they should be allowed on our hill but i did not want to argue with them.

everything seemed to be ok in this part of our territory though it has been very busy since the last time we were there. the man was very pleased because he has found a place to park near the hill which is better than where we used to park because we had to walk down lots of roads and he made me do the horrible heel which led to arguments.

we argue a lot about the horrible heel. it is so stupid because i am a dog who can run faster than anything and he is a man who can only walk slowly going plod plod plod. for the horrible heel he tries to make me walk at his plodding speed and i try to make him run at my exciting dog speed. and then we argue.

but i win because i am a good dog.

not my real name

my name is kia. it is not my real name but the one given to me by the humans i live with now. my real name, my dog name, was whispered to me by my mother when she licked my ears before i fell asleep.

the man i live with now spends a lot of time paying attention to this computer rather than to me. except when i do chew the legs of the dining table

while he is out i thought i would see what is so fascinating about this thing.

like all human things it is boring and smells awful but it is not too hard to do even though people have been saying that wolves are cleverer than dogs. i can not operate the shift key and press other buttons at the same time. this is discrimination against dogs. 

i am going to use this blog to give you an insight into the life of an good dog. 

me. 

 yesterday i won a rosette. i am not really sure what i won it for but it looked lovely and shiny and i tried to play with it but the man would not let me. i won it at the village hall where i go every week to bark ferociously at other dogs so probably it was for really fierce barking. i am VERY good at barking.

in the village hall there is an alsatian with the human name of millie. she is ok at barking but when i bark back i am VERY scary. sometimes the man or the woman make me sit and hold my collar tight which makes it harder to bark. then they make me do very boring things like the horrible heel and the sit and the stay.

the dog warden came to decide if i should have a rosette. i remember her from when she rescued me from the roads which were not as good as i thought they would be with very scary dogs and other things that i still dream about. she told the man and the woman that i was lovely. which i am. and that they were doing very well with me and that i would get better which must mean that my barking will be even more scary when i get older.

typing is hard i am going to chew something now

bye 

kia